Merman or Whale? a Man's response...

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a thin, tanned attractive male with six-pack abs. The caption was " This summer, do you want to be a merman or a whale?"
The story goes a smart-ass man (who could fit most of a AA battery inside his belly button and a pronounced limp) answered in the following way:
"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends, (yadda, yadda, yadda…………..) You get the point. Blue whales have 1000 lb testicles, and penises up to 8ft in length, the largest of any animal in the animal kingdom. SCOREBOARD WHALES!!!!
Mermen, as with Mermaids, do not exist.
If they did exist, beneath their 6 pack abs, is a freaking fish torso with nary a dong to be found because, well, fish just aren’t packing!
At a time when the media tells us that Ryan Reynolds has talent because of his perfect cheekbones and washboard abs, I prefer to watch Phillip Seymour-Hoffman in Capote, Boogie Nights, and maybe even Moneyball because he actually HAS talent.
We men, we gain weight because we don’t cry, we just suck all of the pain of life in to a deep dark pit in the center of our stomach until there isn’t enough space so we develop love handles, man teats, FUPAs, and dickie-do’s (our belly sticks out farther than our dickie do…).
We are not fat, we are just carrying the weight of trying to be strong for you around in the form of a ball of stress that is destined to land us in an early grave after we eventually fucking stroke out and fall over dead in a plate of cheese fries at out kids 10^th birthday party.
Every time I see my fat pasty self in the mirror I tell myself, "so what you have to use this mirror to manscape now because you can’t completely see your junk past your stomach? If you got a tool like that you gotta build a shed for it! Am I right???" and then silently weep to yourself because you also realize that if you were more flexible you could actually have sex with your own cavernous belly button, and then you go eat cheesecake and watch football.
(the man in the picture is Irish model Pat Bastarde) feel free to tag yourselves J let’s get this going around the world!!!